I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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