Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
