How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Never joke about your clitoris.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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