so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
