I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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