WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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