worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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