You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
