I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
