remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize