I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
