Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
