Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
