At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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