So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
