is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
