i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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