i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
