there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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