If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
