is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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