these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
