do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
