Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
