Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
