Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
