mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
