Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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