Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.