So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.