Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
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His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just gargled with NyQuil