Moan for me like Helen Keller
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.