exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
