News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize