Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
