First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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