After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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