uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
