I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
