Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize