we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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