i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we should paint friendship bongs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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