Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
