I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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