this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
