no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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