you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need moral support for this bender
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Help. Why am I so naked?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
