Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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