I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
