Soap is not a condiment
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
