I cannot find my penis.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
