You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
