he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
