apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
