Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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