He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
