so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Pooping to opera.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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