I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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