I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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