I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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