her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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