Porn is love you can see.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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