Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
