Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We have started to decorate penises.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
