I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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