Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
be right there i have to get my cape
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
false alarm, still single
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