i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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