So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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