i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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