I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
