Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
