Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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