In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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